Schizophrenic Earwig Men

Monday, November 28, 2005

Golly. I haven't flipping blogged in like, a billion years.

Ipso facto, I should blog now. About two (2) things. Harry Potter and the Goblet (Goblet) of Fire. Also, the NFL.

First, the NFL. It certainly appears as though the Colts are the best team in the league. They are 10-0. And they might well go undefeated, which would make them the first undefeated team since the 1972 Miami Dolphins. Golly. I don't like the Seahawks. They are 9-2, they have won seven in a row, and they just beat the Giants. They did not deserve to beat the Giants. Jay Feely should have made those damn field goals. But at least the Bears (bears) RULE!! They have won seven straight, they are 8-3, and they were ranked last in Sports Illustrated's preseason rankings. And now, without further ado, the Gavin NFL Power Rankings (rankings)

1. Indianapolis Colts (10-0): The Colts are outscoring their opponents by 153 points. Hot diggity. They have hardly even been challenged. Their notoriously sack-happy defense is death when their offense can get them a lead, which is always. Because they have flipping sick players like Peyton (peyton) Manning, Marvin "The Martian" Harrison, and Edgerrin "The Edge" James (bond). Yeah. Also Dwight (dwight) Freeney. Huh. Two of their stars, Harrison and Freeney, are from Syracuse. Curious. Yeah.

2. Denver Broncos (9-2): They are a bit lucky, having pulled out several close games, but they also lost a close one to the Giants. They have like 8 billion good running backs (exaggeration), and a good defense. Yeah. They are also 6-0 at home.

3. Seattle Seahawks (9-2): They did not deserve to beat the Giants, damn it. But oh well. They have won 7 straight. And they have Shaun Alexander. He is good. Yeah.

4. Chicago Bears (8-3): The Bears are quarterbacked by a rookie, a fourth round draft pick. They basically have no good offensive players. But their defense (defense). Ah, their defense. It is flipping amazing. 120 points allowed in 11 games. And they, like Seattle, have won seven straight. Golly.

5. Carolina Panthers (8-3): They are just good. Yeah. But they did lose to the Saints early, and the Bears. That's why they are ranked behind the Bears. But they have a good defense, and a decent offense, led by the explosive (POW) Steve Smith.

6. Cincinnati Bengals (8-3): The Bengals! Holy Cow! But Carson Palmer is really good. And they have T.J. Houshmandzadeh.

7. New York Giants (7-4): They have one of the best offenses around, and their defense has showed signs of greatness as well. They have a lot of very close losses, and they seem to mess up at critical junctures. Still my favorite team, though.

8. Atlanta Falcons (7-4): Michael Vick= good. Yeah.

9. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-3): If Big Ben comes back from injury ok, they'll move up. They could still certainly beat the Bengals. And maybe even the Colts.

10. Jacksonville Jaguars (8-3): What? The Jags are 8-3? Fooled me too. But now that Leftwich is out, they will go down.

11. Dallas Cowboys (7-4): I'm underrating them because I hate them. But they still don't have that great a team.

12. San Diego Chargers (7-4): The offense is explosive, but the D is just too suspect.

13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-4): They looked great until their QB got injured.

14. Kansas City Chiefs (7-4): See Chargers.

15. New England Patriots (6-5): They are the Patriots, after all. But they won't be going anywhere.

16. Washington Redskins (5-6): Their strong start was misleading. But they have some good players.

17. St. Louis Rams (5-6): A good offense, except for the QBs getting injured all the time.

18. Philadelphia Eagles (5-6): Now that McNabb is hurt and TO is gone, there's hardly anything left.

19. Miami Dolphins (4-7): They looked good against Oakland. And their point differential is decent. Ricky could finally be back.

20. Minnesota Vikings (6-5): What? They are 6-5? Weird. Their point differential still sucks.

21. Oakland Raiders (4-7): Once you cover Randy, there's not much else.

22. Cleveland Browns (4-7): So they don't actually have any good players, but they don't lose by that much.

23. Green Bay Packers (2-9): They are actually outscoring their opponents. Talk about a hard luck season.

24. Buffalo Bills (4-7): At least Willis is good.

25. Detroit Lions (4-7): They looked absolutely awful against the Falcons. Maybe in a few years, with their young receiving corps.

26. Tennessee Titans (3-8): McNair finally had a good week. Too little, too late.

27. New Orleans Saints (3-8): The sentimental pick, and they do have a couple decent victories.

28. Arizona Cardinals (3-8): They have good receivers.

29. Baltimore Ravens (3-8): Can you say anemic offense? I think you can. Go ahead. Say it out loud. And laugh when your family gives you odd looks (I totally stole that from Rob, my apologies)

30. San Francisco 49ers (2-9): Extra Credit for having a quarterback who was once in a rodeo.

31. New York Jets (2-9): Vinny and Brooks and pray for Reggie (Bush). But they're unlikely to get him, because of...

32. Houston Texans (1-10): Just when they seemed about to pull one out over St. Louis, they squandered a 21-point lead and a 10-point lead with 30 SECONDS REMAINING IN THE GAME! hot damn.

Harry Potter will have to wait. So long, and good night.


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